Last year I attempted to define the top 3 things necessary to survive the festival season, but I think it’s time for some additional top tips. 

1.  chewing gum or mints

Hygiene is usually not very high on the festival priority list, never mind dental hygiene. But consider this: festivals are prime partner finding territory! Everybody is in roughly the same age bracket, has similar interests in music/ things festival-related and is up for having a good time. How tragic would it be if you spot your perfect electro goddess in the Bravo tent during the Miss Kittin set, or your hunk of rock manliness in the front row at Blood Red Shoes, but there’s a barrier keeping you from your potential true love: pungent festival breath consisting of 90% beer vapour and 10% essence of falafel. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2.  The Festival T-shirt

As any fashion conscious festival visitor will know, underneath the “I don’t give a shit how I look cause it’s a festival” veneer, there is a fierce underground fashion battle going on. It is an art to get your hair looking exactly the right combination of just-out-of-bed and indie-casual, just as it is an art to find that perfect festival t-shirt.

Do you go for the band shirt? This is a tricky undertaking. Wearing the Coldplay 2006 Tour shirt is decidedly uncool, wearing a faded David Bowie 1972 Tour shirt will earn you rock ‘n roll credit. Wearing a t-shirt of a band performing at the festival you’re attending is only allowed if the band is sufficiently underground, preferably unsigned.

You can also go for the “funny slogan” t-shirts, which are extremely popular at festivals. You know the ones: “You’re village called, they want their idiot back”, or “My girlfriend said I need to be more affectionate, so now I have two girlfriends”. Even worse are the girl t-shirts with slogans concerning their female attributes: “I wish these were my brains”… In my opinion slogan shirts are rarely ever funny to start with, and even if they are, the fun-factor wears off after about 0,12 seconds. However, when I was at a concert recently I saw a guy wearing a slogan shirt that really made me laugh, it said “I listen to bands that don’t even exist yet”. Just the right edge to take the piss out of all the neurotic music obsessives (such as myself) for those tedious “Oh you haven’t heard so-and-so yet? You have to!!” duscussions.

 

3.  poncho

Ode To A Poncho

Such delicate consistency 

You are light to the touch

Yet hardy and sheltering

We need you so much

 

Drying when drippy

Warming when nippy

A seat in humid times

So glad to call you mine

 

And when duty is done

You gracefully retreat

And fold right back up

Into a pack, small and neat