Dear mr or mrs repsonsible for Lowlands bookings,

Even though we’ve never met I’m tempted to cut right to the chase: why must you torture me so? Weeks and weeks I’ve hungrily anticipated this day, like a child waiting to tear into his gifts on Christmas morning. Today you published the Lowlands 2009 timetable and I am devestated.

LL09 timetable

Let’s start with the worst of it, the first festival day, Friday August 21st. You’ve crammed it so full of delightful audio goodness that I fear a nervous break down will be my brain’s only possible response. This day contains no less than six (!) Sophie’s Choice situatons. How to choose between Bon Iver and Passion Pit? Grizzly Bear and The Prodigy? Michachu & The Shapes and La Roux? And why push The Gaslapm Killer all the way back to 3:30? Lord have mercy. And grant me good running shoes.

I must admit, I’m grateful you’ve allowed me some time to recover on Saturday, when the tastiest acts are much more spread out across the day. I could easily wake up with a bit of Airborne Toxic Event, mosey on over to Patrick Wolf, have a nap in the grass before Devotchka, take in some Maximo Park and Lady Sovereign before getting the hips back in action with Kyteman and Basement Jaxx. Then some Fever Ray and maybe a movie to finish the day.

But then, yet again, you taunt me with your Sunday lineup! How can I be expected to take in all these treats without cloning myself at least twice? The day starts out magnificently with Fanfarlo and Vampire Weekend, and perhaps a peek in the Snoop show. But then you make me decide between my beloved Patrick Watson and Little Boots! And that’s nothing compared to the next fork in the festival road: Metric vs. Calexico vs. Florence + The Machine!! Now it’s getting personal. You’re lucky you have Bloc Party and The Maccabees to smooth things over afterwards.

Well, I hope we meet one day and you will get the opportunity to explain to me how you can inflict all this torment on the music obsessed hearts of me and fellow victims. In the mean time I thank you for doing the best you could. Wish me luck for the next three weeks of decision purgatory.

Kind regards,